Long Time Coming.
So I feel like I can't move on in this journal until I record some of the events that have happened in my life over the last four months. But at the same time, I feel like sharing these memories may perhaps steal the joy of my reflection and learning, so I have been a little hesitant to post. Even this introduction is turning out to be a rather blah-fully melancholy thing, so hopefully I can artfully turn things around by the time the end comes.
My heart is being turned inside-out. I don't know how else to describe it; it's like everything I've ever thought I've known is being challenged, all this destructive pride and selfishness in me is being exposed, and I'm finding that the strength I've had in my own flesh is fading.
And I don't know if you've noticed, but there's a world out there dying. And what else? To love is more difficult than you'd think.
I have a boyfriend now. And after years and years of patience and impatience, trust and doubt, friendships and loneliness, I am now being blessed by someone whom I hope to be the perfect compliment to my own heart. It's hard, but my prayer is that in all purity, trust, vulnerability and love, we would be stronger together than we could ever be apart.
[I feel you here right next to me. I press in close beside. Heart to heart fits perfectly. Now I know you're mine.]
The people I met this summer broke my heart. It felt like I was the only light in such of place of hopeless darkness. And too often I hid that light, sometimes in fear, or weariness, confusion, or social awkwardness. My beliefs regarding salvation, witnessing, and ministry were disturbed. And I'm still left with more questions than I have answers.
I listened to Bill Johnson everyday. Sometimes I would listen to the same sermon over and over for the whole week. I learnt that there's power in repetition. The way I go to church and study the Bible has been changed, my faith for healings has increased, and my desire for God is stronger.
I'm excited for what will come at WECA. To be honest, I have been harbouring a fair amount of hurt and frustration towards my church, and I was really considering going somewhere else. But still here, I'm finding that each new day is bringing another way that I can say, "God is good." And He really is so faithful.
Faith is a lot like jumping off a cliff. You don't know what's going to happen when you take that step into the air - sink or swim; the danger of the flesh makes your knees knock. And then you do it. You jump into nothing until the water catches your fearful body then pushes it to where air and water divide. Still not safe, you breathe deep and find that you're better off now than you've ever been before. (I went cliff diving at Horse Shoe Lake with Kristy-Anne and Richard.)
I went to Ottawa too. From Eagle's Nest Ranch, Sarah and I hopped on a bus for 90 hours and $10.00 with 50 of the most "dynamic" Christians we have ever met in our entire lives. (Christians are SO weird). When we got to the Capital City, we enthusiastically sampled soup at a downtown cafe, bathed in the humidity and dipped our feet in the river (throughout the entire 7 day trip we didn't get to shower at all), went to Zellers a billion times, watched the Parliament light show, then got tragically lost on the busses only a few minutes before they stopped running. The next day we went to The Cry 2 where we sang (both in French and English), we danced, all ages prayed in all languages for our nation (our voices echoed throughout the streets), passers-by came to Christ, and the natural earth proclaimed the glory of God with signs and wonders. Eventually we got back to Medicine Hat only to be stranded at the mall for a couple hours where we rolled all our luggage around in a shopping cart. When Shelby came to pick us up, he informed us that he had just freshly murdered a deer, so we went on a hunt to find its filthy, dead corpse. That was great.
From weddings to waterslides, from constellations to coffee, from painting to song writing, from go-karts to camping, and a weekend of horseback riding, I guess you could say that my summer had its exciting moments. But instead of explaining the rest of my stories, I think I'll just post pictures.
(They say a picture's worth a thousand words).
My heart is being turned inside-out. I don't know how else to describe it; it's like everything I've ever thought I've known is being challenged, all this destructive pride and selfishness in me is being exposed, and I'm finding that the strength I've had in my own flesh is fading.
And I don't know if you've noticed, but there's a world out there dying. And what else? To love is more difficult than you'd think.
I have a boyfriend now. And after years and years of patience and impatience, trust and doubt, friendships and loneliness, I am now being blessed by someone whom I hope to be the perfect compliment to my own heart. It's hard, but my prayer is that in all purity, trust, vulnerability and love, we would be stronger together than we could ever be apart.
[I feel you here right next to me. I press in close beside. Heart to heart fits perfectly. Now I know you're mine.]
The people I met this summer broke my heart. It felt like I was the only light in such of place of hopeless darkness. And too often I hid that light, sometimes in fear, or weariness, confusion, or social awkwardness. My beliefs regarding salvation, witnessing, and ministry were disturbed. And I'm still left with more questions than I have answers.
I listened to Bill Johnson everyday. Sometimes I would listen to the same sermon over and over for the whole week. I learnt that there's power in repetition. The way I go to church and study the Bible has been changed, my faith for healings has increased, and my desire for God is stronger.
I'm excited for what will come at WECA. To be honest, I have been harbouring a fair amount of hurt and frustration towards my church, and I was really considering going somewhere else. But still here, I'm finding that each new day is bringing another way that I can say, "God is good." And He really is so faithful.
Faith is a lot like jumping off a cliff. You don't know what's going to happen when you take that step into the air - sink or swim; the danger of the flesh makes your knees knock. And then you do it. You jump into nothing until the water catches your fearful body then pushes it to where air and water divide. Still not safe, you breathe deep and find that you're better off now than you've ever been before. (I went cliff diving at Horse Shoe Lake with Kristy-Anne and Richard.)
I went to Ottawa too. From Eagle's Nest Ranch, Sarah and I hopped on a bus for 90 hours and $10.00 with 50 of the most "dynamic" Christians we have ever met in our entire lives. (Christians are SO weird). When we got to the Capital City, we enthusiastically sampled soup at a downtown cafe, bathed in the humidity and dipped our feet in the river (throughout the entire 7 day trip we didn't get to shower at all), went to Zellers a billion times, watched the Parliament light show, then got tragically lost on the busses only a few minutes before they stopped running. The next day we went to The Cry 2 where we sang (both in French and English), we danced, all ages prayed in all languages for our nation (our voices echoed throughout the streets), passers-by came to Christ, and the natural earth proclaimed the glory of God with signs and wonders. Eventually we got back to Medicine Hat only to be stranded at the mall for a couple hours where we rolled all our luggage around in a shopping cart. When Shelby came to pick us up, he informed us that he had just freshly murdered a deer, so we went on a hunt to find its filthy, dead corpse. That was great.
From weddings to waterslides, from constellations to coffee, from painting to song writing, from go-karts to camping, and a weekend of horseback riding, I guess you could say that my summer had its exciting moments. But instead of explaining the rest of my stories, I think I'll just post pictures.
(They say a picture's worth a thousand words).
4 Comments:
I Bless you in the name of Jesus.
I am so thankful that God has placed you in my life.
How perfect can our King really be? I love you so much c.
Honestly I do.
You're growing and learning so much; and God, oh he is doing so much. Like i said, I feel like a grandma.
One you and Danny are ADORABLE! The cry sound like it was amazing...overall actually its sounds as if it was a really good summer! Take care... have a blessed year!
Hi! I don't know you but I saw you when you were out at the ranch and I know Danny (whom I love by the way! ..no no.. not like that..) But I just wanted to say that these two lines are PERFECTLY put... and I completely agree and feel that with Dawn.. seriously, I can't describe how much I enjoy the way you put that into words. Be blessed with all God has for you! Tell Danny Josh says hi and I'd like his email if I could get it, thanks!!
oh ya, I forgot to post the lines.... it's these two.
"...we would be stronger together than we could ever be apart."
"[I feel you here right next to me. I press in close beside. Heart to heart fits perfectly. Now I know you're mine.]"
Beautifully written!
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