but it's the only place to be.

i fear i'm on the brink of destruction...


Like any time now without warning i'll collapse, crumble,
and form a small mess of broken carissa on the floor.

Like any minute now everything i've known about myself will
melt away in worship as i'm taken to the place i've never been.

Everything in me tells me to cling to that which i've always known.
That which is comfortable to me--that place called "familiar".

Now where has the world gone? It feels like i am in Dreamland.
Where is that reassuring division between spirit and self?
Between tangible and supernatural?

Now where have i gone? Trying, They push me in from all sides,
but like a reflected apparition, Their hand only passes blankly through my transparent space.

It hurts. Everywhere it hurts. All over, i can't explain.
It's squeezing tightly, [will i survive?]. i am all alone here,
[but where am i again?]. Oh, Sweet Saviour, hold me close.

And yet it's addicting. "Addicting", is that the right word?
Well, it's like i can't stop. my spirit craves this desperation--
this dependency--on that which i cannot see.

This place of faith-full uncertainty is life to me.
It shakes my bones. my Flesh fading.
[crumpled over, i cannot stand upright in His presence.]

Oh, "my Lord and my God!" Helper of the helpless.
How i long to dwell forever in your resting place. Secret place.
Sacred place. [my stomach turns in anticipation.]

Breathe it, i smell in for the first time. A paradox: a secret
for everyone, self dying is living life, [that simple mystery];
it's ancient yet fresh, well-known but New. Each Morning.

How could i rely on anyone else? [They fade. Wither. away...]
Oh, but You. i drink in. Life. my Everything. Everlasting. Drink in deep and deeper.


Won't you hold me closer, for i fear i'm on the brink of destruction...

but--