Ferby is Dead

HI!

Well, here I am. At home. Once again. Eating breakfast. Which is honestly quite delightful.... You don't realize how much you value Starbucks coffee, fruit that isn't watermelon or cantaloupe, eggs than come in shells - not bags, and a matching cutlery set until it is all swiftly taken away from you at a place they call "Eagle's Nest Ranch".

But really, I'm glad to be home, although at the same time I am missing the Ranch quite terribly. It's weird how quickly time flew. And it's also odd how easily I made a home out there. Normally when I'm living from a suitcase I am overwhelmed with severe discomfort and homesickness, but not this time. And something got stirred up in me to travel, which is truly weird because I've never ever thought of traveling before. Ever. But something in me longs to now. I guess we'll see what happens.

So yes, the rumours are true. Ferby is indeed M.I.A. - no where to be found. Last sighted, Beelzebub was being hassled by the YWAM kids and left in a screeching state beside a garbage can. Or maybe he was buzzing? I don't know, it was a loud, irritating, never-ceasing, continual beeping noise. So I rescued him from the miry clay and proceeded to quiet him and place him on a shelf, and since then he has not been seen. Although I really never favoured him, I honestly kinda miss the ol'chap. His irritating laugh and dance moves had found a place in my heart over the years... or year, rather. Oh, what a sad, sad day.

In other news...

I HAVE A CAMERA THAT IS PICTURE WORTHY NOW!!! ...My parents surprised me by buying me a camera on ebay and shipping it on down. Sweet, sweet ebay. I'm a very happy soul. It's film though so if I decide to post some pictures it will require quite a significant amount of work, but perhaps I will post some if I get a little unlazier. (who knew that unlazier is a real word...)

So I definitely let go and bought ridiculous amounts possessions while I was down there. Ridiculous. And we will not name the dollar amount, because I am still adding it up and it's only getting more and more ridiculous. And I am still in the process of trying to make all this needless stuff fit in my room nice and neat. Oy vay. OH! And I bought a stupendous mirror at Value Village - second best decision of my life right there.

And to continue in this trend of ridiculous spending, I went to the Fringe with Tay yesterday. I bought a lot of jewellery. And afterwards I fixed my broken glass pearl necklace, but guess what I fixed it with.... DENTAL FLOSS! I've decided that I am brilliant. It's really quite wonderful b/c i don't think floss breaks easily and it's prewaxed so it doesn't need a needle, AND it smells minty. :D YAY!

We will probably be going back to the Fringe on wednesday/thursday? because Todd Bentley will be in town, and Fresh Fire is going to set up a Christian spiritual readings/ dream interpretation booth and I think that it will be dandy. Plus I found this really neat paint-with-water-on-disappearing-evaporating-paper set that I want to go and buy to decorate my newly painted room with.

But anyway, back to the Ranch and more important things...

I got absolutely rocked out there. And before I even went out there I asked that God would lay a foundation for my future, and since then He has showed me four things that I am to have:

1. A desire for Wisdom (Proverbs 1-4)
"Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom." Seek wisdom in all you do. For it is available to all, for "wisdom calls aloud outside; She raises her voice in the open squares" and "speaks her words, 'How long, you simple ones, will you love simplicity?'" How do you receive wisdom? Desire it, fear the Lord, and remain upright: "The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" (Psalm 111:10, Proverbs 9:10). For "from His mouth come knowledge and understanding" and He "stores up sound wisdom for the upright" for "His secret counsel is with the upright."

2. A desire for the Word (Psalm 119)
This is the longest chapter of the Bible - but read it. Wow. This is powerful. David's love for God's Word was the secret of his strength. It is truth which is the foundation of wisdom, and the source of purity. Stay rooted deep in the truth of the Almighty.

3. A desire to accomplish the Supernatural (Psalm 18)
"For by you I can run against a troop. By my God I can leap over a wall." By God's strength you can see the supernatural accomplished.
"He makes my feet like the hinds of deer and sets me on my high places." A deer's hinds will run in the exact spot it's front legs stepped in - God will make your steps in line with His and put you in the place of proctection and victory.
"He teaches my hands to make war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze." You could not bend a bow of bronze by your own strength, but by Him it is supernaturally possible. Let your prayer be that He would train you and teach you to walk in and see the supernatural accomplished.
"Neither did I turn back again till they were destroyed... For You have armed me with strength for the battle." God will empower you with the strength to see the task finished and followed through.

4. A desire for Purity (1 John 3:3)
"And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure."
Purification is not an easy process. The Refiners Fire in not a painless place. But it produces gold - pure gold that reflects the face of the Refiner. Free of blemish and holy unto the Lord. Solid, firm, faithful, true.
God is moving you, testing you, holding you in the fire. Making you strong and pure. Usable. Don't pull out when it gets too hot. Don't walk away because the process is taking too long. He is building you strong and pure.

Those are huge. And makes me so excited for this coming year. It's like I see that so much is going to change and shift, but at the same time I don't know what is going to happen, y'know? It's kinda like Christmas Eve. I feel like a little kid filled with ridiculous amounts simpleminded anticipation and blind belief. I love it.

I had many holy moments out there that I am so grateful for and will remember for the rest of my life. I look back at those times in the stillness - how i could never forget that blanket of stars that wrapped me up at night - and I fall in love all over again. (oh, who am i that You should have me?)

I am free again. Adventure. I have been made free from strife and fear, and it will not hold me any longer. I live to walk in the spirit, to listen and obey - no matter what it takes, whoever it may shake. The white flag is raised; all I am is Yours now. Surrendered.

What is it like to Let Go?
-it is like freedom you've never tasted before. it is Life - flowing around, before, beside and through you. all the way through you. Life.
-flowing from your lips, His words pour free like a fountain (in You i live and move and have my being) in You alone.
-like a river you get lost in His flow. nothing else matters; it is just you and your First Love.
-captivating, He whispers gently in your ear. closer. come closer, my love. my sweet. oh, to be near you once again.
-our hearts come together and beat as one. one heart. one rhythm. one Love.
-i am no longer. no more. i have let go of all that is me and have been consumed in all that is Him.
Heaven kisses earth.(Let Go.)